Friendships do matter

II Timothy 3:22 “Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

Proverbs 22:24 “Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man do not go, lest you learn his ways and get a snare for your soul.”

To a large degree our character is influenced by the people we call our friends. We’ve all heard the adage: “birds of a feather flock together.” The people I choose as my friends reveals the kind of heart that I have. If my friends are critical, divisive people—I will become the same way. If my friendships take me to the bars and dens of sin— I should not be surprised that I too engage in these activities. However, if my friends are godly people who are seeking to please God with there lives, my life will go the same direction. I well remember a time in my life when I was rebellious. Although I was raised in a godly home, during my childhood I thought it would be “cool” to be with the “bad” crowd. During those few years of my childhood, I continually sought out peers who had the same bent towards evil. However, as soon as the Lord graciously restored me, my friends changed almost overnight. I no longer wanted to be with kids who were doing wrong. I wanted friends that would support my desire to please the Lord.

For several summers of my life I worked at a Christian camp. I well remember the director of the camp taking us as a staff aside one day to teach us this valuable lesson. He told us to observe the kids as they arrived for a week of camp on Monday. He told us that invariably the kids with a bad attitude and those who were bent on doing wrong would find each other within hours of arriving at camp. Even though these kids did not know each other prior to that day, they truly would be all sitting together by dinner. Conversely, the kids who were seeking the Lord in their lives would quickly seek each other out. The adage does hold true! Kind does attract kind! “Birds of a feather do flock together.”

So the question is: What kind of person do I want to be? One of the great characters in the Bible is King David. His life is a vivid portrayal of these principles. The Bible tracks David’s life from the obscurity of Shepherding sheep to the halls of the palace as king. Along the way David’s life takes many twists and turns. For years, he is pursued in the desert as a vagabond by King Saul. One of the neat things to notice as you read the life of David is the people that God brings across his path. Some are helpful, some are hurtful. In Psalm 101, David rehearses his resolve to wisely choose his friends and associates. Since David was a very powerful king, there were many people who would seek to be near him—some with very dubious motives. In Psalm 101 David recognizes the fact that his friends will affect his ability to lead the nation. Thus David asserts his resolve to “have his eyes on the faithful of the land” but to not associate with the workers of wickedness.

During the years of his wilderness flight from Saul, I Samuel 22:2 tells us that every malcontent came and joined David’s band. It is interesting to note how many of these men were continual thorns in David’s side. On various occasions they conspired to stone him and on other occasions resisted his leadership. During this faze of his life there is one sterling example of a true friend “that sticks closer than a brother”: Jonathon. Jonathon and David formed an inseparable bond. In I Samuel 18:1-4 part of the story unfolds. They formed a covenant of friendship that lasted through thick and thin and became a source of strength for both of them. It could be said of Jonathon and David: “there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.” Some of the valuable qualities of true friendship are unfolded in these verses. I love the word picture in the Hebrew language when the Scripture tells us Jonathon and David’s souls were “knit” together. In Colossians 2:2 Paul enjoins believers to “be knit together in love.” My mother has always loved to knit. I can remember her sitting by the fireside on the rocking chair in the evening knitting. She would form all manner of lovely blankets and booties by weaving yarn together into a piece of art. In true friendship lives are interwoven and become inseparable. Also, true friends give of their resources to meet the needs of their friend. David and Jonathon’s friendship was often tested by family allegiances. However, Jonathon remained loyal to David even at great personal cost. Towards the climax of the story Jonathon sought David out in the wilderness. A beautiful verse appears in I Samuel 23:16: “then Jonathon, Saul’s son, arose and went to David in the woods and strengthened his hand in God.”

Although David and Jonathon were good friends, the Scripture also has much to say about evil friendships. In II Samuel 13 there is a very arresting statement: “But Amnon had a friend.” The story is a tragic one. Amnon, a son of David, is infatuated with his half sister Tamar. He is pining away in his lust for her when one day his friend Jonadab helps him devise a devious plan for having her. The tragic story unfolds with Amnon forcing Tamar and culminates with Amnon being murdered by Tamar’s brother Absalom. These are exactly the kind of friends we don’t need. If Jonadab had been a true friend to Amnon he would have warned him of the danger of unrestrained lust—not encouraged him in a plan of fulfilling his perverse desires. All through the book of Proverbs God warns young men about being careful of the friends they choose. There are both positive and negative principles of friendship that are listed. In Proverbs 14:20 and 19:4 we are told that the “rich have many friends”—however they are fickle associates who quickly abandon us when the money runs out. Just ask the Prodigal son who ended up in the pigpen without any friends! Proverbs 16:28 tell us a “whisperer separates chief friends” and in 17:9 we are taught: “He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates chief friends.” Proverbs 22:24 is also instructive in helping us see the danger of the wrong friends. We are told to “make no friendship with an angry man lest we learn his ways and get a snare for our soul.” Anger becomes a snare—angry men teach angry behavior. Therefore, do not hang with angry people. The same could be said of many vices. Also, in Prov. 24:21 we are told to “not associate with men given to change (sedition).

On the other hand, God also tells us many positive aspects of friendship. Proverbs 17:17 says “a friend loves at all times and a brother is born for times of adversity.” Proverbs 18:24 gives us an important principle of friendship: “a man who will have friends must first show himself friendly.” If I am aloof and snobby, I shouldn’t be surprised that I am also alone. A true friend is also one who warns us of danger. In Proverbs 27:6 God reminds us “that faithful are the wounds of a friend.” Perhaps one of the best verses on friendship is in Proverbs 27:17 when God tells us: “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. “

The book of Job is a gut wrenching account of a man who lost everything because of a bet between Satan and God. Satan comes to God and accuses Job of being faithful to God only because God has blessed him materially. God Almighty allows Satan to take every possession away from Job— however; God restrains Satan from taking Jobs life. As the story unfolds, three friends come to Job to console him in his misery. In Job 2:12,13 we find these three men coming to Job and sitting with him, feeling his pain for seven days without saying a word! Sometimes friends are just there for each other! If Jobs friends would have kept quiet we probably would remember them in a positive light. However, they quickly launch into diatribe after diatribe about why all this misery has befallen Job. In a lamenting passage, Job speaks back to them about true friendship. He rebukes them for their fickleness and exposes them for their lack of love. Beginning in chapter 6:14-20, Job tells a beautiful tale of how friends should be. “To him who is afflicted, kindness should be shown by his friend, even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty. My brothers have dealt deceitfully like a brook, like the streams of the brooks that pass away, which are dark because of ice, and into which the snow vanishes. When it is warm they cease to flow; when it is hot they vanish from there place. The paths of there place turn away, they go nowhere and perish. The Caravans of Tema look, the travelers of Sheba hope for them. They are disappointed because they were confident; they come there and are confused. For now they are nothing, you see terror and are afraid.” The analogy is this. When times are good, it’s easy to be a friend. However, when times are tough, false friends vanish. In an arid climate many streams are only seasonal. When the snow melts in the high country, they roar and rage, but when it gets hot they dry up and have nothing to offer. In Palestine, when the Caravans would travel through the desert they counted on these streams to sustain them in their journey. If they dried up early the Caravans could perish. In a similar way, fair weathered friends are not truly friends. Job begins by saying— When I am afflicted- even if it is because I have forsaken the fear of the Lord—it is at that time that I need kindness from my friend. What kind of friend am I?

Choose wisely your friends. They can make you or break you. One of the objections I sometimes hear is this: “but Jesus was a friend of sinners?” If he readily associated with sinful people, shouldn’t we? Clearly the answer is “yes” and “no”. Knowing myself and my temptations—I must be careful to not choose close friends that will “lead me into temptation.” If I am trying to help a man out of the gutter and end up there myself— I have done neither of us any good. When learning life saving techniques in water rescue one of the things that is often stressed is that it does no good to try to help a drowning person if you drown yourself. Many well meaning people have literally drowned trying to rescue someone in deep water. Their intentions were good, but there lack of discernment killed them. In a similar way, I must be discerning in my approach to outreach. As you reach out to those who are in need, don’t put yourself in a place where your flesh will exploit your weaknesses. If you’ve been a drunk, don’t go to the bar and sit on the bar stool and witness to your friend about Christ. It won’t be long until you’re sipping a beer with him. Instead, have him to your home where you can control the environment. This is only wisdom and allows you to be a true friend!

Of all the friends in Scripture, none is greater than our Savior. In John 15:13 Jesus says: “Greater love has no man than this, that he lays down his life for his friend. In Romans 5:8 Paul reminds us that “God unveils his love toward us in that even while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us! He is the One True friend that will always be there, that will never abandon us, that will always be faithful. Trust in Him!

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